I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
