he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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