How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
