I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
