is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
