She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
