I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
