just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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