I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
