i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
