is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
