even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
