you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize