Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Come on in and take your pants off
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