i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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