I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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