So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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