It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
false alarm, still single
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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