you guys were way drunker than both of me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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