Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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