New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
