Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
