Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
