Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
