I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
