My friends, they love my intelligence
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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