I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
