he shaved USA in his pubs
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
