My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
