you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow