Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
