I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party