It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....