I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.