Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT