Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
