My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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