My hair reeks of homosexuality.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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