its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
