Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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