Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
