One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
