I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
