Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
