My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
