When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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