All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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