3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
