This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
