This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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