there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
