You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
