I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
