so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
