I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
They have beer where we have blood.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
