And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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God, you're like boner-b-gone
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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