Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
