Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
