you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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