i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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