dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
