ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
