He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
