so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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