My liver just broke up with me...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
