There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
