Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
