My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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