I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
