yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
