dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
