Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
