FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
