imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
