i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
