so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
