I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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