I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
