It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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