Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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