How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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