apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
